Morgen (morgenwrites) wrote,
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picspam: 100 episodes of MerDer

I liked the 100th eppy. A lot. I think I’m one of the few MerDer fans who did, but then I'm also a pretty big I/A fan, so the bait and switch didn't upset me as much as it would’ve if it'd been any other couple upstaging MerDer. However, I was clearly promised a LOVE LETTER from Shonda, and that eppy was no love letter to me. Because, as you may have noticed, Mer and Der were kinda not hanging out together all that much on MAGICAL 100 LOVE LETTER DAY.

So, um, I made one myself? Happy love letter to meeee. Or, you know, you guys. For less narcissism. Because this couple has come so freaking far in 100 eppys, and, as much as I do love Iz, another IzzieFest wasn't exactly how I wanted to celebrate the occasion. Also because they're really, really pretty people and I want to see it all lined up. Just like a flipbook. Only now with scrolling!

So, in honor of season finale day, have a really, really long picspam. With way too much commentary.






#0 - The Night They Met
I don't have a story. I'm just a girl in a bar.
I'm just a guy in a bar.

Okay, so. Kinda cheating already. But that's why it's #0 for a reason. Because even if it's S3, it's still the night they met. When she was just a girl in a bar. And he was just a guy. A guy who was adorably bad at hitting on women. “Is this a good place to hang out?” makes me laugh every time. And then there’s “I'm someone you need to get to know to love.” So good. I enjoy this a lot. For the PROPHECY of it all.

#1 – A Hard Day’s Night
Stop looking at me like that.
Like what?
Like you've seen me naked.


And just, this scene. It is its own shiny love letter. Because Der’s face. He is so freaking smirky and amused and delighted to have found her.

#2 – The First Cut is the Deepest
Look, I'm drawing a line. The line is drawn. There's a big line.
So, this line... Is it imaginary, or do I need to get you a marker?


Elevator kissing. For the first time ever. Tradition, you are starting right now.

#3 – Winning a Battle, Losing the War
It’s not the chase.
What?
You and me. It’s not the thrill of the chase. It’s not a game. It’s your tiny, ineffectual fists. And your hair.
My hair?
Smells good. And you’re very, very bossy. Keeps me in line.
I’m still not going out with you.
You say that now.


#4 – No Man’s Land

Dinosaur breakfast fountain. Because they're on a date, date. Like the non-one night stand people they now are, you guys.

#5 – Shake Your Groove Thing
So you blew me off for a bottle of tequila. Tequila's no good for you. It doesn't call. Doesn't write. It's not nearly as much fun to wake up to.
Take me for a ride, Derek.


Oh, them. The them that they were before Addison and all of Mer's issues. Back when it was simple and easy and happy all the time.

#6 – If Tomorrow Never Comes
I, um, know this place where there's an amazing view of the sunrise over the ferryboats.
I have a thing for ferryboats.
I remember.


I still want to see that scene with them and their wine bottle and the view of the ferryboats. But this is good too. Because Mer's finally being all relationshippy. Also because ferryboats are pretty much code for Mer at this point. And Der has a thing for them.

# 7 – The Self Destruct Button
You know, we could just...
Sleep?
We could, yeah. If, if you want to.
Yeah? Oh, thank god.

I can't watch this scene without smiling. They're both so tentative and adorable about the going to bed without the sexing. And actually, this is probably the first time Mer has had a boy in her bed just to sleep. Which makes it a momentous occasion.

#8 – Save Me

It's so, so good. Right up until the that's all you've earned for now. And then I want to throw a wife shaped brick at Der's head. Also, the way Mer doesn't say a word, but just smiles and stretches her hand out to him is pretty much perfect. And when she does, you can see him start to fall a little bit in love with her. Even if he hasn't realized it yet.

#9 – Who’s Zoomin Who?
Hi. I'm Addison Shepherd.
Shepherd?
And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband.


Oh, Der. I like how you're standing there with your SHAMEFACE on.

#10 – Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head
Well, what was I to you? The girl you screwed to get over being screwed?
You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me. That's all I know.
It's not enough.


This breaks my heart every time. Them, in their matching clothes, sharing the same beer on the land that Addison will never love the way they do. It's so clear that they belong together, and yet he can't tell her enough to get her to stay. Also, HI THERE, DROWNING FORESHADOWING.

#11 – Enough is Enough
I'm a sink with an open drain. Anything you say runs right out.

Hee. Best metaphor ever. Also, angry Mer! I love the first few eps of S2 for how freaking pissed she is all the time. It's fantastic.

#12 – Make Me Lose Control
I'm just exhausted. My mother is exhausting. What happened to Cristina. And you. Hating you is the most exhausting. And I don't wanna do it anymore.

All I can think to say about this is a lot of sad faces in a row. Also, hearts. Because he knows she's crying even before she turns around. And she can't hate him anymore. And there is rain and god, this couple.

#13 – Deny, Deny, Deny

Um, sometimes when I'm really tired? I think the title for this eppy is Denny, Denny, Denny. And then I think of all grim creeper all the time. And I do not like this one bit.

#14 – Bring the Pain
Okay, here it is. Your choice. It’s simple. Her or me. And I’m sure she’s really great. But Derek, I love you. In a really, really big, pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window...unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me. Choose me. Love me.

I can almost never survive watching this scene. She's determined and teary eyed and so, so freaking hopeful that what they have together is what she thinks it is. And she's Mer, so she's never done anything like this before. But he's still going to leave her. It freaking kills me every time.

#15 – Into You Like a Train
Oh. You're staying with her.
Yeah. She's my wife.


Oh, Der. Things like this are why I used to not like you very much. Mer deserved A LOT more than she's my wife. Crappy break-up speech right there. But then there's the whole if love were enough, she'd still be here with you thing. And then the elevator breakdown. (With old school Bailey for automatic extra points.) And that's when I start to forgive you just a little.

#16 – Something to Talk About
Hi. Hello. Hi. Meredith, maybe we could, you know, ah...talk?

Oh, the awkward. Also, Cris and Iz as bodyguards. Their faces. LOLOL

#17 – Let it Be
I miss you.
I can't.


Um, remember that, you guys? With Mer's little shiver?? And the HAIR SNIFFING??? That is how you do angsty longing, folks. I swear, if they were the type of people who were going to have an affair, it would've started right then.

#18 – Thanks for the Memories
It's good that you're trying. You wouldn't be you if you weren't the kind of person that was trying to make it work.
You think so?
Yeah. Means I wasn't wrong about you.


It's two of my favorite Mer's. Selfless Mer AND empathetic Mer. The Mer that would give her wedding away to her friend. And who gives Der what he needs to be able to try to make it work with Addison. Even if she can only say it with tears in her eyes.

#19 – Much Too Much

Ohh flashback shower sex. Where they clearly did the thing with the bending. Because they cannot sleep with their respective wife/ONS without thinking of each other instead. Also, Derek all wet with his hair slicked back. Guh. We're gonna need a lot more of shower Der in S6.

#20 – Owner of a Lonely Heart
You’re still you?
I’m still me.


#21 – Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer

Oh this couple. With all their angsty, Christmas longing. Mer closing her eyes for a second when he says her name. And then Der going to Joe's and saying the thing. The LOVE THING.

Meredith wasn’t a fling. She wasn’t revenge. I fell in love with her. That doesn’t go away because I decided to stay with you.

Um, infinity hearts???

#22 – Begin the Begin
I've moved on, so don't give me that look.
What look?
That look. Our look. I'm over you.
I'm over you too.
You are?
No.
Oh, well, I am. Over you.
I'm over you too.
You just said... Shut up.

And just like that they're back to flirting. Hardcore. Also, the look. THEIR look. There's no getting over that look.

#23 – Tell Me Sweet Little Lies
All done. How does that feel?
Feels good.


Oh, Mer. You're a lying liar who lies. Way to be the beautiful ex-mistress who pines for him. Also good? When Cristina goes all hostile on his McDreamy ass for making Mer pine-y. (With longing. Not, uh, with Christmas trees or whatever.)

#24 – Break On Through
I don't. I can't. I can't. I don't want. I don't. I can't. I don't. I don't want my mother to die alone.
Slow down. Just slow down. Shh. Slow deep breaths.


How many times have we seen Mer completely fall apart in front of Der? Two? In five seasons? And this one, with him finding her in the closet and talking to her in that gentle, gentle voice, and the hand holding. And her head on his shoulder. And then, THEN...he brushes her hair and looks at her like he's going to kiss her. Oh, S2. You were pretty much perfect.

#25 – It’s the End of the World
I have a feeling.
I get those.
Yeah?
Yeah.
And?
If you wait long enough, it passes.


Oh, the bomb eppy. I will always have to keep it in a SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART. Because it's the one that got me to start watching Grey's religiously. And yeah. Them. Them and their feelings for each other that will not pass.

#26 – As We Know It
It was a Thursday morning. You were wearing that ratty little Dartmouth t-shirt you look so good in. The one with the hole in the back of the neck. You'd just washed your hair and you smelled like some kind of flower. I was running late for surgery. You said you were gonna see me later and you leaned to me, you put your hand on my chest and you kissed me. Soft. Was quick, kinda like a habit. You know, like we'd do it every day for the rest of our lives. You went back to reading the newspaper and I went to work. That was the last time we kissed.

LAST KISS SPEECH ALFKSDFKDJFADFJ. WITH LAVENDER. AND THE REST OF THEIR LIVES.

#27 – Yesterday
What the hell was that??
That was Mark.


Hee. It's jealous Der. Punching out Mark. For talking to Mer.

#28 – What Have I Done to Deserve This?
Just friends?
Just friends.


Hi there, emotional affair. (With dog.) Nice to see you again. Also, I really, really love how Mer wore a turtleneck for the dog walking. Obviously to establish this as a friend event. Not a not-friend event. No sexual tension here. Nope. Not at all. Just turtlenecks.

#29 – Band Aid Covers the Bullet Hole
There's a line between friends and not-friends. And if I tell you this, if I tell you this horrible thing then you have to react as my friend. Not my not-friend.
I can do that. Alright. You tell me what's wrong. You tell me what's wrong, I'll tell you how to fix it.
Okay. Are you ready?
I'm ready.
I slept with George.


Oh, Der. He's so eager and wanting to help with her problem. And then he gets completely blindsided by the George sex, and it's all he can do to not act like her not-friend. Lots and lots of lovely, jealous Der going on all over his face.

#30 – Superstition

LOLOLOL THEIR FACES. There is nothing about them that does not make me smile. Clearly, it's very hard to carry on with the being friends when the wife keeps trying to play too.

#31 – The Name of the Game
You celibate? I just don't buy it.

I kinda really love that Mer gives up drinking but still goes and sits in a bar. With her knitting. Also, it's where they met and went off on their first non-celibate adventure together. So yeah. Gotta agree with Der here.

#32 – Blues for Sister Someone

I'm very impressed with how much PURE JEALOUS RAGE Der manages to fit into one look. You can't blame him though. He went rushing to the vet because their metaphor dog was ailing and finds Mer there looking all recently sexed. How is he supposed to know it was actually just a pony birth fueled shower? Mer is standing there without pants on. He is not capable of asking questions like, "Why Meredith, it appears you have showered. Did you perhaps attend a pony birth this evening?" when there are no pants.

#33 – Damage Case
You don’t get to call me a whore. When I met you I thought I’d found the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I was done. So all the boys and all the bars and all the obvious daddy issues, who cared because I was done! You left me. You chose Addison! I’m all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke. You don’t get to call me a whore.

It's kick ass Mer, you guys!!! I love her. Derek was being so unbelievably cruel to her, but she just grabs his arm and makes him face her. And then proceeds to give him a smackdown that even Bailey couldn't top. And the whole time she has tears in her eyes because they were supposed to be friends, but instead they've been not-friends all along. And they both knew it. And the man she loves just called her a whore.

#34 – 17 Seconds

FAVORITE SCENE EVER. EVER, EVER, EVER.

The looks. And the way they can't even speak to each other because there's so much there. And THE FREAKING MUSIC. Oh, Snow Patrol. With the echoing Don't you breathe. And the Something happened, that I never understood. And especially, I could do most anything to you. It's all so incredibly who they were right then.

#35 – Deterioration of the Fight or Flight Response/Losing My Religion (I)
Meredith, he was a good dog.
He was.


Okay, cheating again. But all the good MerDer is in part 2 of the finale, so whatever. Plus, hand touch on dying Doc's head is sooo love letter material. No question. And just, this scene. I cannot watch without getting all teary eyed and wanting to go hold my dog. Mer is so upset. Finn doesn't get it and is just being all tedious and vet like. Derek does, but he can't do anything to make it better. He can't hold her. She won't even let him touch her hand without pulling away. All he can do is watch. And, you know, make me cry a thousand tears.

#36 – Deterioration of the Fight or Flight Response/Losing My Religion (II)
Just leave me alone.
I just want to make sure you're alright.
No! I'm not alright! Okay? Are you satisfied? I'm not alright. Because you have a wife, and you call me a whore. And our dog died. And now you're looking at me. Stop looking at me.
I'm not looking at you. I am not looking at you.
You are looking at me. And you watch me. And Finn has plans. And I like Finn. He's perfect for me, and I'm really trying here to be happy, and I can't breathe. I can't breathe with you looking at me like that, so just stop!
You think I wanna look at you? That I wouldn't rather be looking at my wife? I'm married. I have responsibilities. She, she doesn't drive me crazy. She doesn't make it impossible for me to feel normal. She doesn't make me sick to my stomach thinking about my veterinarian touching her with his hands! Oh man, I would give anything not to be looking at you.


AND THEN THERE WAS PROM SEX. EPIC, EPIC PROM SEX. AND EVERYTHING CHANGED.

#37 – Time Has Come Today
This morning I was going to come over, and I was going to say, what I wanted to say… Now all I can say is that I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you for...ever. I'm a little late. I know I'm a little late in telling you that. But I just want you to take your time...you know. Take all the time you need...cause you have a choice to make. And when I had a choice to make, I chose wrong.

Oh, Derek. It’s about freaking time. I love how he obviously had this whole thing to say planned out, but then when he sees her, all that he can get out is how much he loves her. And that smile on his face like it makes him so happy just to finally say those words. And Mer all stunned and teary eyed. Because it wasn’t all in her head after all.

#38 – I Am a Tree
I'm done. Whatever you decide, I'm ending it with Addison. Today.

Ohh, almost kissing! And Der finally doing what he should’ve done a long time ago. Also, it’s the Benjamin eppy. With, "Is that blonde your girlfriend? Cause the way you keep looking at her, you might as well mount her right here and now." Hee. Benjamin, I love you lots.

#39 – Sometimes A Fantasy

Best. Dream. Ever. Or at least it was until Finn joined the party.

#40 – What I Am
You deserve to be with somebody who makes you happy. Someone who won't complicate your life. Someone who won't hurt you. He's the better guy, Meredith. Finn's the better guy.
Derek...
I'm walking away.


Derek, you do not just abandon the girl with abandonment issues like that. And you especially don’t do it when she’s lying in a hospital bed because she JUST HAD SURGERY. Ugh. Stupid, noble Der. This is what happens when you take the Chief’s crappy advice. But, you know, the eppy wasn't a total waste. There’s also morphine Mer. And McMaybeBaby, the adulterous lovechild turned inflamed appendix, which gives us worried Der. I swear, the way he comes flying down those stairs when she throws up. Le sigh.

#41 – Oh, The Guilt
You're here. You're everywhere. And I can't not tell you. You know, I've been not telling you all day because I thought it was kind and I thought I was giving you space. But I can't not tell you because you're here and you're you and... I broke up with Finn.

This scene just kills me. Kills me. Mer is so hopeful and happy, and he’s so upset about Mark and Addison that he can’t even bring himself to look at her. Looking back, it’s pretty obvious that the MerDer relationship of S3 was doomed from the start. Der’s standing there looking like his dog just died, and she’s so freaking unaware. And he does all these little things like walking away and not looking at her here that only add to her relationship insecurities. A scene like this could never happen between them now, and that says a lot about how far they’ve come. How much they’ve learned about each other.

#42 – Let the Angels Commit
I want us to work it's just....It's complicated. I think I need a little time to..
Take some space.
Yeah. To clear my head.


Oh them and their baby steps towards communicating. It makes me smile. Also, their smiles make me smile. Also, his sister comes and this:

She is single. She's wonderful, she's smart, she's a lot of things, and she's none of your business, Nancy.

YESSSSSS. TO THE RESCUE, DEFENSIVE DER!

#43 – Where the Boys Are
I want you to know me. I want to start over, from the beginning.

Hee. Mer’s face when he’s all “Hi, I’m Derek Shepherd” is pretty much perfect. Underneath all that charming neurosurgeon stuff, he's such a dork sometimes.

#44 – Staring at the Sun
Seriously, we're taking it slow.
I can take it slow. I can take it incredibly slow.


Um, yeah. HIS VOICE. And the ear biting. And squirmy Mer trying really hard not to give in. Also, that’s pretty much my favorite picture of MerDer ever. Because he’s wrapped around her all protectively. And she’s staring away from him with this distant look her eyes. And it’s just so EXACTLY WHO THEY WERE in season 3.

#45 – From a Whisper to a Scream
She was there when you weren't.

So many good scenes in this eppy. So many. With the crossword puzzles and Der’s "When I get back, there better be some sex." And then the make-up sexing. Also, a little bit of actual communication with words. Very impressive.

#46 – Don’t Stand So Close to Me

Look at that. Crappiest MerDer episode ever. EVER, EVER. Any time you feel like MerDer got bookended, just look at this, and it will not seem so bad after all. They had one scene together. One. Where he told her not to wait up for him and then got on an elevator. AND THAT WAS IT. Ugh.

#47 – Six Days (I)
Oh I'm gonna do more than hurt your feelings.

Mer and Der laughing. And just having fun with each other. So, so good. We do not get to see things like this enough, Show.

#48 – Six Days (II)
I wore the nose strip.
It's cute but it doesn't work.


Snoring issues. They were riveting. Absolutely riveting… Mer is ridiculously adorable with her little red nose strip though. Also, I kinda love how Der has been magically cured of his need for earplugs by S5.

#49 – Great Expectations
You've never done this before.
No, I've never done this before.


She’s never done this before, you guys. No relationships. Ever. And just, Der’s face when he realizes this. Hee. It’s all so good. At least until he tells lies about always showing up.

#50 – Wishin’ and Hopin’
She's charming, she's fabulous and then suddenly she's the enemy.
I'm meeting the enemy?


Lucid Ellis eppy! I hate her for what she did to Mer, but I love her too because oh, so many good scenes. Mer breaks my heart in this one about fifty times. And Der, yes. You’re absolutely meeting the enemy. And she has ways. Ways that will drown your girlfriend real soon, so…watch out is all.

#51 - Walk on Water
Stop! I do not need rescuing.
You would have drowned in the bathtub had I not been there.
I'm a surgeon. I do the rescuing. You are not my knight in shining...whatever.


So I’m one of the few people that loved the drowning arc. A lot. A lot, a lot. I mean, the crap with Denny was stupid, but that’s pretty much a given. The rest of it though? So freaking good. Because it’s Mer at her most screwed up. And Der getting completely bulldozed by just how dark and twisty she can be.

#52 – Drowning on Dry Land

Basically, I cannot watch this without crying.

#53 – Some Kind of Miracle

Also, you-died-today-spooning. I cannot even pick a favorite scene. There are too many. The yelling at Ellis. All of his guilt when he’s talking to Addison. HIS BROKEN, TEARY FACE. Because she died on him. And even though she came back, he’ll always know what it’s like to hold her lifeless body in his arms.

#54 – Scars and Souveniers

I love how they kinda manage to play at everything being normal for one eppy. He’s her wing man. And she’s all nervous and dinner hosty. And for a second there, it almost seems like everything’s going to be okay after all.

#55 – My Favorite Mistake
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it?
Eight.


Guh. This eppy. If they had just stuck with PTSD Der instead of exchanging him for that giant douche of a Der lookalike, I could’ve really loved season 3. Because he’s so screwed up over her death. He threatens Mark for messing with her, and says things like I WILL HURT YOU IF THIS GOES WRONG FOR HER. He can’t stop hovering, or clinging to her, or seeing her dead whenever he closes his eyes. He stays up at night to listen to her breathe. JUST IN CASE SHE STOPS. Why did you take this Der away, Show?? He was amazinggg.

#56 – Time After Time
How'd it go with the chief?
Uh, about as well as you and Susan.
We make a good team.


Oh, Mer. With her standing on tiptoes to hug Der. So freaking adorable. Except I hate, hate, hate the Chief watching them. Especially because he’s about to destroy their relationship with his interfering. FOR THE THIRD TIME.

#57 – Desire
I love you and I want you, but I don't know what to… You didn't swim. You didn't swim and you know how to, and I don't know if I can, I don't know if I wanna…keep trying to breathe for you.

And that is how Der breaks my heart into about a million tiny pieces. And also makes me hate him a little. (Sorry, S5 Der. It’s not you. Just your evil twin.) Because even though he says he loves her and wants her, not wanting to breathe for her translates very easily into both not loving and not wanting. And waiting to say it until after he slept with her and she did all his favorite things is just plain mean.

#58 – The Other Side of This Life (I)
Just now is not the time to give up on me, okay?

I love how Mer absolutely cannot make any sort of emotional speech to Der without getting all teary eyed. Also that she practiced it. With hand gestures.

#59 – The Other Side of This Life (II)
Meredith, just stop...okay, just stop.
No, don't. Don't.


Remember this crappy plotline? The one where Der’s girlfriend got slapped by her father in front of him and he didn’t do anything. The one that sent Mer plummeting straight back down to seriously dark and twisty. Yeah. I still can’t bring myself to like it.

#60 – Testing 1, 2, 3
Look, I know this is an impossible day for you. So I just want to say one thing. I brought a black suit, just in case.
Thank you. But I think this is something I need to do by myself.


Oh god. It’s emo Der and Meredith, his queen of darkness. I cannot even handle this much angst, and I’m someone who LOVES angst.

#61 – Didn’t We Almost Have It All?
So I'm asking you, if you don't see a future for us, if you aren't in this… Please, please just end it, because I can't. I'm in it. Put me out of my misery.

And this would be the episode that had me THISCLOSE to never watching Grey’s again. Because I HATE ultimatum Der. The only good thing about this is bitchy Mer instructing him on how to dump her.

#62 – A Change is Gonna Come
Some break-up sex.
Yeah. Some break-up sex.


But then there was this and oh, Show, then I loved you again. Because just…this couple. With all their angsty, lusty, dysfunctional love. She’s so messed up at this point that it’s the only way she knows how to be close to him. And he needs her too much to put a stop to it. And just…aalsdkfjasldfjldajlkjdafasdflkjsdk. This freaking couple.

#63 – Love/Addiction
We agreed. No sleepovers. Broken up people don't sleep over. Sex only. It's the only part of the relationship that works.

Oh, Mer and her severe emotional limitations. And poor Der getting kicked out of bed at three am. Thank god for the mockery is all I’m saying because this would be heartbreaking if they weren’t so charming about the whole thing.

#64 – Let the Truth Sting
So this isn't just breakup sex? This is secret breakup sex?

The only bad thing about our shiny, mature, about to be married MerDer is that we don’t get any more of the supply closet sexing. Their newfound sense of professionalism is kinda disappointing.

#65 – The Heart of the Matter
48 uninterrupted hours of this. I'm in.

Oh, this could’ve been so good. Mer was all ridiculously excited and adorable with her getting Alex to work for her, and then Derek had to completely bail on her with his crappy speech about marriage and babies and dying in her arms. And just, Derek. Ugh. What were you thinking? Yeah, it wouldn’t have been a relationship, but it would’ve been more than just 48 hours of sex. Mer saying yes was actually a very good, promising baby step for her, and you just couldn’t see it through all your domestic fervor.

#66 – Haunt You Every Day
This is me trying to evolve. I'm trying here. So, cubby or car?
You're asking me if I think you should put your mom's ashes in your cubby or your car? Okay, and you don't think that's very, very strange?


Hee. Oh, Der. You still don’t speak dark and twisty very well. But don't worry. You’ll get there eventually. Just give it another season.

#67 – Kung Fu Fighting
Remember when I was dead? Before I went in that water, everything was so...complicated and hard. And then you pulled me out of the water. And I came back to life. For a moment, everything was so clear. As if the water had washed everything clean.

The way they can lay all tangled together and manage to seem so very in love and so very far apart at the exact same time is just heartbreaking.

#68 – Physical Attraction Chemical Reaction
I stayed late at work because my house is a brothel.

Look at Mer and her communication baby steps. This would make me very happy if I didn’t already know how it was gonna end.

#69 – Forever Young
Is it weird that I like my drunk dad better than my real dad?
A little.


And even more of Mer trying to be all communicative. Way to torture me, Show.

#70 – Crash Into Me (I)
You talk about them an awful lot for someone who doesn't care. You care because you're you.

Oh, this moment. With Der’s hands in her hair. And Mer fixing his collar. For a moment, they’re almost the them that they used to be, and if she’d only told him then not to see other women…

#71 – Crash Into Me (II)
I don't want you to date other people. It may not be enough for you, but I'm trying here so I don't want you to date anybody but me. That's it. Except, I'm scared as hell to want you, but here I am, wanting you anyway. And fear means I have something to lose, right? And I don't want to lose you.

This always makes me want to cry. Mer’s so hopeful and teary eyed and brave. And Der is sporting one epic guiltface. Because he’s already kissed that skanky plant.

#72 – Lay Your Hands On Me
You don't want to build a life with me. You want someone. You want someone who wants the same things that you want.
I knew the minute that I showed you those plans you'd find a reason to walk away.
So what you called my bluff?
I did, because I can't do this anymore. I can't do the fighting, the back and forth. I can't. Are we together or are we not?
We were together. I was in love with you. You didn't tell me you were married.
Alright, so now we're gonna have that fight again?
You didn't tell me about you nurse. You wanna know why I'm not ready to build a house with you? This is why, because I cannot trust you.
You can't trust anybody. And no matter what I do, you're always gonna look for reasons not to trust me. I can't do it anymore. I can't.
Well, neither can I.


So, I actually really, really love this fight. Even though I HATE that it was triggered by Rose. Because the things they say are all so painfully true. They’re both right and they’re both wrong, and it breaks my heart a lot of times.

#73 – Where the Wild Things Are

HEY THERE, CLINICAL TRIAL. YOU MAKE ME HAPPY.

#74 – Piece of My Heart
Happy couple?
See you after rounds.


Hee. And yeah, the episode was a total AddisonFest, but…middle name action, you guys. Derek CHRISTOPHER Shepherd. Now we just need someone to drop Mer’s, and we’ll be all set.

#75 – The Becoming
Easy, slow down. Look at me.

Oh my god, this scene. Doctor Der AND Doctor Mer. AND THEY CAN ONLY DO IT IN SYNC WHEN THEY STARE INTO EACH OTHER’S EYES. ALAFJDLFKJSDF.

Also? Derek's, I slept with her, and the whole time I was thinking about Meredith. Who's the whore? Somehow, this is a really, really good eppy. Even with the horrendous Rose sex.

#76 – Losing My Mind
That’s where love exists – in delusional fantasies. Real love isn’t like that.
Good to know.


God, Der’s face just completely falls when she says that. Because he’s the one who used to have all the dreams about their life together, and she smacks it down like it’s nothing. But I kinda love bitchy Mer of the dark place. Because she finally talks to her shrink about the dead mommy drama, and we need that so she can get all magically whole and healed in time for the finale.

#77 – Freedom (I)
They’re so in love. It's all new and fresh and exciting.
I've never been a fan of new. I like to know the person, their bodies, what makes them moan.


Hee. Look at them with the finally flirting again and the getting their patients laid. They are very good at both these things.

#78 – Freedom (II)
I'm still mad at you, and I don't know if I trust you. I wanna trust you, but I don't know if I do. So I'm just gonna try, I'm gonna try and trust you. Because I believe that we can be extraordinary together rather than ordinary apart, and I wanna be…

Ohh, house of candles. With embarrassed, shouting Mer and her stupid brain man. Also, slow-mo kissing and Der asking where their bedroom is. It all makes me so happy that I’m just gonna ignore the ending where Der proves once again that he has the crappiest timing in the history of the world.

#79 – Dream a Little Dream of Me (I)
Do you wanna move in with me?
You wanna live together?
Well I mean I could, I just, uh, but if you don't want to, I...


She’s so freaking stuttery it's adorable. Also, moving in together. With actual packing of boxes and sharing the same space every day, and it all feels very momentous.

#80 – Dream a Little Dream of Me (II)
Marriage?
Not funny.


And this is how we know how far they’ve come. Because now she says things like “I’m excited about the marriage. Not some wedding.” But, this scene makes me happy too because of the hand fixing. And because Der has finally figured out how to handle Meredith. Baby steps. She’s like a deer in the woods.

#81 – Here Comes the Flood
So you still love me?
Meredith, yes.


The fact that some part of her needs to ask that just because they disagreed on something is kinda heartbreaking. Still…the communicating with words thing. They are learning it. I think this just might be the first problem they’ve ever solved by actually discussing it together.

#82 – Brave New World
I could always move back to the trailer.
No, I want you here. I mean, I may not always be so graceful about it, but I want you here.


Oh, grown up Mer using her words again. I am proud.

#83 – There’s No I in Team
I couldn’t have done it without you. Not one surgery. Not one patient. I couldn’t have done any of it without you.

He gave her a kidney in a jar. Because Derek Shepherd knows his girlfriend like the back of his hand.

#84 – Life During Wartime
Mer, you should do this one.
Is it more ugly hats?


Them. Unpacking together. Like a couple. Also, he calls her Mer. And that always makes me smile.

#85 – Rise Up
Look, I’m gonna take my pants off, so unless you wanna stay and see…
Nope.
I’ll see it later. I’m gonna go downstairs.


So, if Cristina wasn’t there stopping Mer from seeing it now, this would be a v, v, v good scene. Instead, there’s way too much Cris in my MerDer.

#86 – The Ties That Bind

I really, really like how they always sleep all snuggled and spooned together.

#87 – In the Midnight Hour
Derek?!
What? What’s the matter?


So, it’s 3 am and Der is, presumably, sound asleep. But all Mer has to do is call for him, and he’s out of bed and into the hall in three seconds flat, all worried about her. It’s kinda adorable.

#88 – All By Myself
So you were right. Cristina and I are fighting.
You should go talk to her. She’s your best friend. It’s important.
Derek…
They don’t tell you when you become a doctor that it’s gonna be like this. They don’t tell you that you’re gonna lose more patients than they save. 16. I’m sick of the death.
I’m sorry.


Look at them with the CONFIDING IN EACH OTHER.

#89 – Wish You Were Here
Get your ass over here. I’m not doing this by myself.

And then it’s the start of the really good MerDer eppys. With things like quickie morning sex. And being there for each other. And dancing it out with Derek’s dorky elbows. Also, you know, actual screentime for a change. That too.

#90 – Sympathy for the Devil

And then Meredith met MAMA SHEP. AND IT WAS EPIC. Because MamaShep does things like call Der sweetheart. And she sees what’s amazing about Meredith after less than an hour with her.

You see things in black and white. Meredith doesn’t. You need a spoonful of that. You need her. She’s the one.

#91 – Stairway to Heaven
I know you don’t understand me. I don’t understand me. I wanted to show him compassion. That’s why I went. That’s the reason. And it was horrible. It was horrible.
It’s okay, it’s okay…

Oh, serial killer arc. I love you so. Because Mer and Der disagree on things at work and don’t let it tear them apart as a couple. And he goes out of his way to fix her friendship with Cris. And she finally lets herself be vulnerable and fall apart in front of him. The fact that they get through this TOGETHER… It’s one of the things that’s made them who they are now.

#92 – Beat Your Heart Out
Meredith, I want your crappy babies.
You do?
All of them.


CRAPPY BABIES. CRAPPY BABIES. CRAPPY BABIES.

#93 – Before and After

So yeah. There was like no MerDer in this one. And Derek used to write awful love songs for his ex-wife, and his ex-friends were awful enough to sing them in front of Mer. But, you know, at least they were in the OR together looking all adorable with their concentration.

#94 – An Honest Mistake

Right about now would be when I decided I really did love Derek again. Because dark Der is pretty much my favorite Der. He’s so much more interesting when they add things like depth to his character. Also, Mer taking care of him. And sticking by his side. Because he’s her guy!

#95 – I Will Follow You Into the Dark
I know there’s a ring.
What?
The Chief told me. I know there’s a ring.
You want the ring? Here’s your ring.


Oh, this whole scene. It just about kills me with its angsty goodness.

#96 – Stand By Me
I love you.
I know.
Would you still love me if I wasn’t a surgeon?
No. No because Izzie has cancer that’s spread to her brain, and you’re one of about twenty people in the world who could save her. And I don’t know if I could respect somebody who could walk away from a gift like that. So please don’t.


And she’s the one who brings him back. Because he wouldn’t be the man she loves if he wasn’t a surgeon. But his face when she says no… Oh, Der. It makes me want to hug you lots. Also, his quiet, broken “I don’t know if I can get her back” to the Chief because he thinks he’s lost her with what he did. And he can’t even call her because he doesn’t know what to say. These are all very good, angsty things.

#97 – Elevator Love Letter
You say you’re all dark and twisty. It’s not a flaw. It’s a strength. It makes you who you are. I’m not gonna get down on one knee. I’m not gonna ask a question. I love you, Meredith Grey, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
And I want to spend the rest of my life with you.


Um, um… Best episode ever, yes?

#98 – Sweet Surrender
We’ll get naked and get married in a field of flowers.
I’m not a naked bride.
What about scrubs? We can get married in scrubs.
Ooh, now there’s a wedding I could get into.


They are the most adorable wedding planners ever. Before Iz goes all overboard and forgets to listen to what they want. I’m still rooting for naked field. Seriously.

#99 – No Good at Saying Sorry
Stop defending him. Be on my side. I need you to be on my side.
Okay.


This conversation. Just…the fact that they can talk like this now. It’s a magical thing. Mer can tell him exactly how she feels WITH WORDS. And Derek can listen and understand and just give her exactly what she needs. Oh, this couple. They make me proud.

#100 – What a Difference a Day Makes
Best non wedding day ever.
Wanna go again?


Oh them. There on their living room floor where they started this thing without ever realizing that it would turn into something so huge, so overpowering. That it would be for the rest of their lives. They’ve come so far from that first night when they didn’t even know each other’s names. Now they can give away their wedding day without a second thought because they know beyond all doubt that they’re gonna be together for the rest of their lives.

And then there is more kissing. To the only part of the voiceover I even remember at all.

The day you meet your soulmate.

Tags: grey's anatomy, mer/der, picspam
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